senior thesis.
http://aytzen.wordpress.com/
Monday, January 11, 2010
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
two presidentials down
saturday, august eighth, 2009
the beauty of the mountains, a symbol of integrity, of unyielding strength
eight miles in awe
the beauty of the mountains, a symbol of integrity, of unyielding strength
eight miles in awe
Friday, July 31, 2009
there and back again
Some of you know that I am recently back from Orvieto, Italy, where i lived and studied art for a little over four months. There are many stories, laughs and pictures, Italy is a place of immense beauty, but being there also made me realize just how beautiful and special home is. Italy's food, incredible, the people, friendly, the simple life style of a small town in Umbria, refreshing.
Orvieto is a medieval town surrounded by a stone wall and gate, situated on a cliff in the center of a valley, part of its wall is craved upon the "tuffa" it sits on.
It is impossible to sum up that experience and what it meant to me in an email, let alone a long conversation, and but i can say without hesitation that it was one of the best experience of my life.
Orvieto challenged my expectations, challenge my presuppositions of what art is, why i make art, it changed the way i see the world around, it changed me.
Even as I try to type a millions things rush to mind that I should tell you, but i barley know where to start.
Orvieto became a place that redefine me, a place where I wrestled with myself, with my spirit through the making of art, a place of intimate community yet a place of beautiful solitude. As i sat in the streets, covered in charcoal from head to toe, working on large drawings, or when i ran among the olive groves on twisting paths, when i stared intently at my model, observing the different colors in their faces, as i sat on the edge of the cliff looking out unto a beautiful countryside, i found an incredible peace there.
It was a place of intense community, yet intense solitude, it was experiencing the great importance of being, and not just doing. The professors/Matt and Sharona and their family, and my peers helped define this experience in many ways. Yet my trip was also greatly defined by the time I took to myself, the times i was in the studio, walking or running, the times i looked at art, the times i observed the world i lived in. Community and Solitude define the experience.
Art defined my experience, both the making and looking at, through art i wrestled with myself, the making of art transcended the literal making, it was a dialogue, with myself, with my God, with the past, with the material....
It was a process of opening my eyes, wider and wider, about learning to do more than look and listen, but a new way of seeing, slowing down, connecting and engaging with, seeing it how it is, not what i project on it. getting to know it, seeing in such a way that you discover something of yourself by observing
Art became a way to discover...i am still wrapping my head around it all that words fail... in Orvieto I found again the need to make art, and its importance to my purpose,
I struggle with finding my voice, regaining lost confidence, of continuing the discovery of who I am-with a sense of self
the word of my trip, "chiaroscuro". light and dark. Orvieto was both times of revelation and joy, but was also time of hurt, doubt, and brokenness.
There was a lot I took with me in my heart to Italy, brokenness. I thought I would go there and I would find answers to questions, lay certain things to rest, but questions were not so much as answered as explored. I realized that no place or people could "fix me", in fact there is nothing to fix, past struggles and hurts can not, nor should not be erased, but is an important part of who I am.
i love Orvieto, my heart is with the place and the people I left.
our director Matt said to take at one thing back with us, fearlessness.
much more could, should, and hopefully will be added.
i have never felt freer than i do now, i feel like the world is in front of me, i can go anywhere, do anything, i can be myself, and freely follow my passions. i have no strings attached to my limbs, dictating where i should go, or whom i should be. i don't have a plan, in fact i have never disliked plans as much as i do now....i have to continue to trust and love.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
crescendo the the last measure
so much happened in the last few weeks...it all seems a blur now...
there were so many moments, times of discovery, as my last two weeks came to a close I started to make closer with my home.
I was in the creative writing class, and by this point we were mostly working on our longer piece--others pieces were funny, and well written....i reworked mine, scrapped it started over, reworked and started over several times before I came across the how it should be structured and what I wanted to saw with it.... but that piece severed as a way to find closer, as a way to focus my last two weeks.
i am at home...sad and wondering what could ever be said, what picture posted to ever really truly give a view of what this time meant to me...
well I guess I will leave that for later, and try to share on a more positive note the last two weeks in Italy.
I will miss this next step...the step were you are exiting the monastery and a ste out onto this street without looking can lead to toes run over or worst...
my roommate kat...she is a beautiful girl! I will miss her, our talks and her laugh!
the last week was a blur....filled with events concerning corpus cristi
it was an exciting time to be in Orvieto, but I was having a hard time being excited for all the events...thinking to much of the things i may never again do, or the people I may never again see...
the sunday ushering in the last week was the Monastery San Paolo Talent show, followed by dinner and sharonna cake then a poetry reading to kick off the week of events, followed by a wine reception.
but earlier that day a few of us enjoyed taking Matt's kids to get gelato...for me it would be my las gelato in italy...sort of sad.
one of the events on thursday of the last week was the sculpture class ceremony and the travel writing class readings. For travel writing we all wrote personal piece built on these sketches we did of local as well as contribute to the class roasted guided to orvieto... the writing class was amazing! It reminded me how much I love english and writing...you know creative writing was one of the majors I was considering when I first came to Gordon...i am a little out of doing real writing, and while I know my piece would be considered the best, I am proud with what I acheived in that class. It really gave access to a new creative outlet...it allowed me to continue the looking I had started in drawing and in painting...but this was a different kind of looking, of seeing, it seemed a perfect continuation of the work that I began in Orvieto.
my class and professor at the reading... this class was really a great class! thank you scott carins!
a quick note on scott (and our profs in general), he is a grad professor at missouri, and he is an amazing teacher...he is really chill, and sort of does his own thing, but he really cares deeply for his students, I did a lot of revised of my piece with him...it could not have gotten there without his guidance. he was always sharing food, drinks and words of wisdom with us. like every professor that came through the program...for a month you intatimately knew them...and then they left...it is beautiful that you could know your professor like that, that they become mentors, and friends, that life stories are shared, drinks, laughs and cries, your work is shared with them, but so is theirs with you....and even though it is sad there is a beauty in the goodbye too, it teaches to not hold back from people even though you know they will leave soon, but to continually make yourself vulnerable. with every hello there is a goodbye, and that at times may be sad, but the process is beautiful.
i must saw that i will miss these two gurls.... haha! the jane austin movies, the gummies, the cooking, the crepes, the laughs, the times spent laying in bed, bones... the list goes on...and it goes deep beyond the surface of things...
i will pause the stories to say I know I am giving snap shots...believe...ask me about anything from my experience and i will talk your ears off, but there is so much to tell...and so manythings that have happened since that I want to tell....i have so many post I want to write.... haha! oh well....
anywho.....
after this get together...we all went up to the Doll's appartment for a final Doll open house (my professor/program onsite director and his wife, sharonna, and there three children, silas, ronan, ciara)
matt is an amazing cook! he is always making delicious food, and sharonna is always coming up with the most delicious cakes...and i will through out there that I don't like cake that much, so for me to keep coming back for more most mean it is pretty amazing! haha
a few of us went early to help prepare food and more drifted in to play with the kids.
matt made his yummy tomato salad... and his chili, but for us vegitarians he made a roast vegitable soup that was so delicious! i ate quite a bit of soup those next few days... haha.
but after food and drink was shared we all gathered to watch a video erin and riel made of the trip, it was really great that they took the initiative to do that, i really appreciated it!
at the end of the night...brown bear says it best...
there were so many moments, times of discovery, as my last two weeks came to a close I started to make closer with my home.
I was in the creative writing class, and by this point we were mostly working on our longer piece--others pieces were funny, and well written....i reworked mine, scrapped it started over, reworked and started over several times before I came across the how it should be structured and what I wanted to saw with it.... but that piece severed as a way to find closer, as a way to focus my last two weeks.
i am at home...sad and wondering what could ever be said, what picture posted to ever really truly give a view of what this time meant to me...
well I guess I will leave that for later, and try to share on a more positive note the last two weeks in Italy.
I will miss this next step...the step were you are exiting the monastery and a ste out onto this street without looking can lead to toes run over or worst...
my roommate kat...she is a beautiful girl! I will miss her, our talks and her laugh!
the last week was a blur....filled with events concerning corpus cristiit was an exciting time to be in Orvieto, but I was having a hard time being excited for all the events...thinking to much of the things i may never again do, or the people I may never again see...
the sunday ushering in the last week was the Monastery San Paolo Talent show, followed by dinner and sharonna cake then a poetry reading to kick off the week of events, followed by a wine reception.
but earlier that day a few of us enjoyed taking Matt's kids to get gelato...for me it would be my las gelato in italy...sort of sad.
one of the events on thursday of the last week was the sculpture class ceremony and the travel writing class readings. For travel writing we all wrote personal piece built on these sketches we did of local as well as contribute to the class roasted guided to orvieto... the writing class was amazing! It reminded me how much I love english and writing...you know creative writing was one of the majors I was considering when I first came to Gordon...i am a little out of doing real writing, and while I know my piece would be considered the best, I am proud with what I acheived in that class. It really gave access to a new creative outlet...it allowed me to continue the looking I had started in drawing and in painting...but this was a different kind of looking, of seeing, it seemed a perfect continuation of the work that I began in Orvieto.
my class and professor at the reading... this class was really a great class! thank you scott carins!a quick note on scott (and our profs in general), he is a grad professor at missouri, and he is an amazing teacher...he is really chill, and sort of does his own thing, but he really cares deeply for his students, I did a lot of revised of my piece with him...it could not have gotten there without his guidance. he was always sharing food, drinks and words of wisdom with us. like every professor that came through the program...for a month you intatimately knew them...and then they left...it is beautiful that you could know your professor like that, that they become mentors, and friends, that life stories are shared, drinks, laughs and cries, your work is shared with them, but so is theirs with you....and even though it is sad there is a beauty in the goodbye too, it teaches to not hold back from people even though you know they will leave soon, but to continually make yourself vulnerable. with every hello there is a goodbye, and that at times may be sad, but the process is beautiful.
i must saw that i will miss these two gurls.... haha! the jane austin movies, the gummies, the cooking, the crepes, the laughs, the times spent laying in bed, bones... the list goes on...and it goes deep beyond the surface of things...i will pause the stories to say I know I am giving snap shots...believe...ask me about anything from my experience and i will talk your ears off, but there is so much to tell...and so manythings that have happened since that I want to tell....i have so many post I want to write.... haha! oh well....
anywho.....
after this get together...we all went up to the Doll's appartment for a final Doll open house (my professor/program onsite director and his wife, sharonna, and there three children, silas, ronan, ciara)
matt is an amazing cook! he is always making delicious food, and sharonna is always coming up with the most delicious cakes...and i will through out there that I don't like cake that much, so for me to keep coming back for more most mean it is pretty amazing! haha
a few of us went early to help prepare food and more drifted in to play with the kids.
matt made his yummy tomato salad... and his chili, but for us vegitarians he made a roast vegitable soup that was so delicious! i ate quite a bit of soup those next few days... haha.but after food and drink was shared we all gathered to watch a video erin and riel made of the trip, it was really great that they took the initiative to do that, i really appreciated it!
at the end of the night...brown bear says it best...
Sunday, May 31, 2009
the last weekend in may: perfectly lazy
le weekend:
this weekend i enjoyed the first watermelon of the summer, a four of watermelon for four euros... worth it!
I spent most of friday reading, it was lovely, and I almost finished an amazing book that everyone should read. it a story of one man making a difference in the world, Greg Mortenson's transformation from mountain climber to humanitarian-- building school for girls in remote villages in Pakistan, it is about how he became beloved by these people, became one of them, about the roles he also played back home as husband and father, and raising support for the organization.
anywho.....i rattle endless how his story has inspired me and strengthened in me a heart of the middle east, an interest in their culture and the religious sects that separate them.
all in all..... read it.
I went to lake bolsena saturday...it was a lot of fun, not a big sandy beach, actually a small rocky one, but we still had a lot of fun playing frisbee, kicking a ball around/ volley back and forth. a lot of time spent laying around, had a picnic lunch, walked to get some ice cream and cokes, read a bit, mostly just talked, swam to a ridiculously far away buoy...
headed back to the monastery, on the way we stopped at this little rest area that had an amazing view of orvieto, so of course we stopped to pose and photography and just soak it all in
that night i made crepes again....they are one of my new favorite food groups! i am so glad to be going to Paris and eat the original crepes!!!
then there was an sort of weird medieval horse racing games involving reaching up grabbing flags and throwing them into buckets in piazza del popolo, it was pretty amazing, everything was open, vendor dressed in period costume and it seemed the whole town showed up for it.
after a while i wandered by myself taking some night shots using film.
Today has been the perfect lazy rainy sunday one could ever ask for! the morning spent partly chatting in the kitchen over delicious biscotti cookies and reading and writing before the Pentecost activates...
involving sending a dove in tube flying along a cable from a tower to the duomo, it was a very big ordeal and involved elaborate costumes. then back to the monastery with take out from Charlie’s--pear and gorgonzola pizza!
back to norah jones and my travel wiring piece...
sooooo there was weekend. i rather liked it
ciao
oh and again…pictures to come…
this weekend i enjoyed the first watermelon of the summer, a four of watermelon for four euros... worth it!
I spent most of friday reading, it was lovely, and I almost finished an amazing book that everyone should read. it a story of one man making a difference in the world, Greg Mortenson's transformation from mountain climber to humanitarian-- building school for girls in remote villages in Pakistan, it is about how he became beloved by these people, became one of them, about the roles he also played back home as husband and father, and raising support for the organization.
anywho.....i rattle endless how his story has inspired me and strengthened in me a heart of the middle east, an interest in their culture and the religious sects that separate them.
all in all..... read it.
I went to lake bolsena saturday...it was a lot of fun, not a big sandy beach, actually a small rocky one, but we still had a lot of fun playing frisbee, kicking a ball around/ volley back and forth. a lot of time spent laying around, had a picnic lunch, walked to get some ice cream and cokes, read a bit, mostly just talked, swam to a ridiculously far away buoy...
headed back to the monastery, on the way we stopped at this little rest area that had an amazing view of orvieto, so of course we stopped to pose and photography and just soak it all in
that night i made crepes again....they are one of my new favorite food groups! i am so glad to be going to Paris and eat the original crepes!!!
then there was an sort of weird medieval horse racing games involving reaching up grabbing flags and throwing them into buckets in piazza del popolo, it was pretty amazing, everything was open, vendor dressed in period costume and it seemed the whole town showed up for it.
after a while i wandered by myself taking some night shots using film.
Today has been the perfect lazy rainy sunday one could ever ask for! the morning spent partly chatting in the kitchen over delicious biscotti cookies and reading and writing before the Pentecost activates...
involving sending a dove in tube flying along a cable from a tower to the duomo, it was a very big ordeal and involved elaborate costumes. then back to the monastery with take out from Charlie’s--pear and gorgonzola pizza!
back to norah jones and my travel wiring piece...
sooooo there was weekend. i rather liked it
ciao
oh and again…pictures to come…
civita
welcome to civita!
“wow, I think I have seen it all, how long has it been, thirty minutes, what do you want to do for the next few hours…” emily said something to this affect when we realized how tiny it was….haha! but it was beautiful welcom to civita!
the walk up the bridge into civita
emily...
view from a rock
lauren, it was sort of windy, haha!
more pictures and captions to come...
“wow, I think I have seen it all, how long has it been, thirty minutes, what do you want to do for the next few hours…” emily said something to this affect when we realized how tiny it was….haha! but it was beautiful welcom to civita!
the walk up the bridge into civita
emily...
view from a rock
lauren, it was sort of windy, haha!more pictures and captions to come...
first two weeks of travel writing
i know i haven't blogged since this last class started...
but i love it, i am just writing sketches about orvieto, places people.
i think it is the best closure for my time here. which doesn't seem real that i only have two short weeks left in orvieto.
I went out for jakes and laurens birthday and that was a lot of fun, we got gelato after and I had peasca (peach) and yogurt and it was delicious! We just layed on the steps of the duomo and talk and ate for a long time, laying looking up at its massiveness
Made crepes for the first time with lauren…we might of had six each...I love crepe!
Kiwi gelato is pretty amazing…
I suppose that is all for now… i will try to write a little more detailed later...
but i love it, i am just writing sketches about orvieto, places people.
i think it is the best closure for my time here. which doesn't seem real that i only have two short weeks left in orvieto.
I went out for jakes and laurens birthday and that was a lot of fun, we got gelato after and I had peasca (peach) and yogurt and it was delicious! We just layed on the steps of the duomo and talk and ate for a long time, laying looking up at its massiveness
Made crepes for the first time with lauren…we might of had six each...I love crepe!
Kiwi gelato is pretty amazing…
I suppose that is all for now… i will try to write a little more detailed later...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
slow down baby you're moving too fast
painting has concluded. and i have started travel writing has begun
i feel like i am easing into a very reflective, contemplative state. i don't feel the desire for grand adventures, i feel in need of rest, in need of solitude.
i feel myself slip into a new pace. i hope this last month proves to be slower, that writing allows me a new way to sit and reflect and to discover how i fit into this place. I am ready to slow down...
I am ready to be, not do. if that makes sense....anywho......
i will post pictures from some place in rome soon...ish....
i feel like i am easing into a very reflective, contemplative state. i don't feel the desire for grand adventures, i feel in need of rest, in need of solitude.
i feel myself slip into a new pace. i hope this last month proves to be slower, that writing allows me a new way to sit and reflect and to discover how i fit into this place. I am ready to slow down...
I am ready to be, not do. if that makes sense....anywho......
i will post pictures from some place in rome soon...ish....
Friday, May 8, 2009
roma zoo!!!!
amazing trip!
started by me of course almost missing it by being woken up five minutes before we were leaving on the 6:50am train...
we left early so we could go to Caravaggio's matt cycle which we missed the first time because of restorations....
but first stop was at matt's favorite/the best coffee and croissant (and one of the least expensive) in rome! cafe farnese
then to campeo di fiore--my favorite saturday morning market! let me just saw the red pears there are amazing!
to the best bakery! such amazing bread and pizza! i love it! i can't remember the name...i will look it up later...
then the stop at the black hole to the programs finances....the art store....Ditta G. Poggi
which, and art store is truly one of the most dangerous stores to go into...i had to exercise extreme restraint! but i can't wait to stop back in!
sorry....i realize there are no pictures...i am going back to these place...so i will post pictures of them later
then to the paintings we left at that early hour for--the St. Matthew Cycles!
i used to not think i was a croissant person....but my mind is changed! haha!
and since starting portraitpaint, i feel like, just as i did in drawing, a heighten ability to see...an expanded vocabulary in which to both create and look at art--the use of color--the choices our eyes make, the building up of an image--sculpting it in a way, the proportions and the choices in distortion, the light and color of the skin in context with what is around it.... the choice of the artist, what that says about them, about the subject...
i am enjoying looking at art more and more as i learn more about creating it!
both painting and drawing are teach me what it is to really see and observe...to sit with something and begin to understand both it and something about yourself in the process...teaching me to look deeper than a snapshot... it amazing to start looking around with a heightened sense! i am beginning to see all sorts of things i never saw before!
"the calling of st. matthew" is one of my favorites of caravaggio! i remember studying it in art history, memorizing that flash card! haha!
ok...so that was the morning......here is the afternoon....
from there a long and lovely walk to the Borghsee (sorry i know that is spelled wrong) Gardens which are right next to the zoo to hang out and have a picnic before the zoo...
roanin eating pringles....
the yummy bread (white pizza--bread with oil, salt, and pepper yum!) from the bakery
matt cutting up the tomatoes...i am techincally just out of this picture slicing the cheese to go with the tomatoes and bread
us after the eating, hanging out
playing airplane with roanin :)
after clean up and getting yelled at for picnicing in the "dog area" of the park byan angrey italian woman we head back up to the path and to the zoo!
ok so, the zoo....i love zoos! but, in all honestly the roma zoo was a little disappointing...the zoo was nice, nice cafe, nice walking paths, but not nice was the variety/selection of animals and more so the animal habitats :(
but it was still fun, and they had giraffe's :)
really cute monkey
elephants...my second favorite animal
it was a great day... lots of walking, gorgeous weather.....well except for the twenty minutes it downpoured while we were in the zoo! haha! but we were close to an arch, so we didn't get too wet
started by me of course almost missing it by being woken up five minutes before we were leaving on the 6:50am train...
we left early so we could go to Caravaggio's matt cycle which we missed the first time because of restorations....
but first stop was at matt's favorite/the best coffee and croissant (and one of the least expensive) in rome! cafe farnese
then to campeo di fiore--my favorite saturday morning market! let me just saw the red pears there are amazing!
to the best bakery! such amazing bread and pizza! i love it! i can't remember the name...i will look it up later...
then the stop at the black hole to the programs finances....the art store....Ditta G. Poggi
which, and art store is truly one of the most dangerous stores to go into...i had to exercise extreme restraint! but i can't wait to stop back in!
sorry....i realize there are no pictures...i am going back to these place...so i will post pictures of them later
then to the paintings we left at that early hour for--the St. Matthew Cycles!
i used to not think i was a croissant person....but my mind is changed! haha!
and since starting portraitpaint, i feel like, just as i did in drawing, a heighten ability to see...an expanded vocabulary in which to both create and look at art--the use of color--the choices our eyes make, the building up of an image--sculpting it in a way, the proportions and the choices in distortion, the light and color of the skin in context with what is around it.... the choice of the artist, what that says about them, about the subject...
i am enjoying looking at art more and more as i learn more about creating it!
both painting and drawing are teach me what it is to really see and observe...to sit with something and begin to understand both it and something about yourself in the process...teaching me to look deeper than a snapshot... it amazing to start looking around with a heightened sense! i am beginning to see all sorts of things i never saw before!
"the calling of st. matthew" is one of my favorites of caravaggio! i remember studying it in art history, memorizing that flash card! haha!
ok...so that was the morning......here is the afternoon....
from there a long and lovely walk to the Borghsee (sorry i know that is spelled wrong) Gardens which are right next to the zoo to hang out and have a picnic before the zoo...
roanin eating pringles....
the yummy bread (white pizza--bread with oil, salt, and pepper yum!) from the bakery
matt cutting up the tomatoes...i am techincally just out of this picture slicing the cheese to go with the tomatoes and bread
us after the eating, hanging out
playing airplane with roanin :)
after clean up and getting yelled at for picnicing in the "dog area" of the park byan angrey italian woman we head back up to the path and to the zoo!
ok so, the zoo....i love zoos! but, in all honestly the roma zoo was a little disappointing...the zoo was nice, nice cafe, nice walking paths, but not nice was the variety/selection of animals and more so the animal habitats :(
but it was still fun, and they had giraffe's :)
really cute monkey
elephants...my second favorite animal
it was a great day... lots of walking, gorgeous weather.....well except for the twenty minutes it downpoured while we were in the zoo! haha! but we were close to an arch, so we didn't get too wet
random scenes concerning random things
roma overnight:
me sitting drawing....
insearch of a spot:
lauren's sexy legs while i was contemplating a spot to draw
searching for a spot, and it was found at last....the spot i would spend my life drawing...well at least the last week of drawing last month.....
florence freebee:
shadow games
roma zoo:
feet....i don't like feet, but i love feet pictures....strange
me sitting drawing....
insearch of a spot:lauren's sexy legs while i was contemplating a spot to draw
searching for a spot, and it was found at last....the spot i would spend my life drawing...well at least the last week of drawing last month.....
florence freebee:
shadow games
roma zoo:feet....i don't like feet, but i love feet pictures....strange
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